Tuesday, April 04, 2006 @12:20 AM
Job? The mystery of God's Amazing Plans.
It's ironic, how I've always want to be there for my close friends, but I always end up feeling helpless, in fact I need help myself to begin with. Well like the saying goes "How can u help others when u can't even help yourself". But the problem is, I don't know how to help myself, I don't feel I'm the one to help me and I don't feel I deserve whatever has been going on.. I mean.. ya I made mistakes along the way, but.. Nothing to deserve what I'm going through I believe. I really want to reconcile, but I'm like not given a chance to.
I feel like Job, prolly a more fortunate one, least I don't have disease and other worse off stuff. But what I got is enough to make me realise how unstable my faith is. It's hard to be as faithful as Job. A couple of crisis occurs and I can't understand what did I do to deserve being isolated, like freak as though my own problems are not enough for me to handle?
My spiritual dryness begun months ago. And right now I'm extremely curious of why things are happening and affected the awkward feeling of being kept in darkness. Moreover, it just keeps getting worse. At times I really want to yell out really loud for the world to hear. "Got a problem? Well let's voice it out, I'm not that unreasonable am I? If I am, knock some sense into me, break my ego if you have to. Just don't lie to me, don't avoid me and bloody hell don't ignore me."
I'm desperate for answers, insecure when I have none. When I do not understand a problem, I'll ask till ends meet when I get a chance to. This is me, when I don't like something about you, I either accept it or voice out a possible change to it. Don't like what I do? Well accept it or voice your suggestion, and allow us the chance to compromise and ultimately come to consences with each other, don't hurt the friendship.
I'm currently only holding to the hope that my story may just be like Job, and believe that in God's time he will reveal to me mystery of his Amazing Plans.
* Let no one disregard you because you are young *